Useless
The Meeting
Attended in full. Camera on. Unmuted once, by elbow.
Outcome: a follow-up meeting.
Selected works
His work
A complete portfolio of everything Useless has made, finished or improved, presented in full. It’s a short page. Please take your time with it anyway; he did.
Untitled Spreadsheet (1)
Opened at 14:00. Closed at 14:02. A bold, minimalist piece about the fear of cell A1.
Outcome: saved nowhere.
Inbox Zero
Achieved by never giving anyone his email address.
Outcome: technically successful.
The Kettle Watch
A long-running performance in which he watches the kettle until somebody else makes the tea.
Outcome: tea (not his).
A Very Tidy Desk
Exists as an idea. The idea is tidy. The desk is not.
Outcome: under review since spring.
reallybyte.com
The one website he didn’t build. He stood near it while it was being built and offered moral support from a comfortable distance. Quite far away, in fact.
Outcome: it works, which is how you can tell.
Awards and recognition
- Nominated for nothing. Won it.
- Highly commended for Turning Up, three years running. Nobody can remember who nominated him.
- Shortlisted for Employee of the Month. He was the only employee that month.
Want to celebrate your own lack of achievement? The Useless Awards certificates are in the shop.