Open, unlike him

The Useless shop

Everything here is deliberately useless and genuinely fun. Useless designed none of it, but he did approve the colours by not objecting.

Useless walking and waving
Merch

Wear him. He won’t mind.

Useless has his own merch section in REALLYBYTE’s shop. It opens on a separate site.

Printables

Six deliberately useless printables

Instant digital downloads. Each pack comes as a ZIP with A4 and US Letter PDFs, ready to print at home or at work. Prices are in US dollars. Nothing is posted to you.

Cover of The Useless Awards: Certificates of Achieving Nothing

The Useless Awards: Certificates of Achieving Nothing

12 certificates and 12 award seals

Twelve printable joke certificates for achieving nothing, from Employee of the Month (nobody else was nominated) to Meeting Survivor and Kettle Champion, plus a blank one for your own reason and a sheet of twelve cut-out award seals.

$4.49

Cover of The To-Don’t List Planner

The To-Don’t List Planner

Daily and weekly pages, a habit un-tracker and meeting bingo

A funny planner for not doing things: daily To-Don’t lists, a weekly Plan of Avoidance, a Habit Un-tracker, two Meeting Bingo cards for your next video call, a What I Did Instead log and a Goals for Someday page.

$3.99

Cover of The Excuse Generator Card Deck

The Excuse Generator Card Deck

72 cut-out cards that make 13,824 excuses

A printable party card deck: draw a pink Start card, a blue Blame card and a yellow Finish card, read them out, and you have an excuse. 24 of each colour make 13,824 combinations. Includes four ways to play, card backs, blank cards and an Excuse Hall of Fame score sheet.

$4.99

Cover of Things Useless Knows: The Mostly Blank Book

Things Useless Knows: The Mostly Blank Book

Nine blank chapters, an index and pages for you to fill

The complete knowledge of Useless, REALLYBYTE’s eraser mascot, in nine chapters: Computers, Money, Cooking, Directions, Feelings (“Mixed.”), the Offside Rule and more. Most chapters are blank. It comes with a foreword, a contents page, an appendix, a straight-faced index and three lined pages headed Things You Know That Useless Doesn’t, so it works as a leaving book or guest book.

$3.49

Cover of The Useless Colouring Pack

The Useless Colouring Pack

Eight colouring pages, a maze and a drawing page

Eight colouring pages of Useless, REALLYBYTE’s pink and blue eraser mascot, doing nothing: at his desk, on the sofa, watching the kettle, holding an I TRIED sign, out for a walk, on holiday, in a team photo and in a pattern page. Plus a maze to the biscuit tin, a draw-what-he’s-doing page and the maze answer.

$3.99

Cover of Out of Order: The Useless Office Sign Pack

Out of Order: The Useless Office Sign Pack

12 office signs, door hangers, desk cards and mini notes

Twelve full-page funny office signs starring Useless: four Out of Order signs (general, printer, kettle and “so am I”), This Meeting Could Have Been an Email, Do Not Disturb, Back in 5 Minutes, Please Label Your Lunch, Wi-Fi, Clean Desk Policy, This Door Sticks and On a Break. Plus two door hangers, two desk tent cards and eight mini notes.

$5.99

Covers of all six Useless printables
Best value

The Complete Useless Printables Bundle

All six Useless printables in one download: The Useless Awards, The To-Don’t List Planner, The Excuse Generator Card Deck, Things Useless Knows, The Useless Colouring Pack and Out of Order: The Useless Office Sign Pack, each in A4 and US Letter, plus a bundle guide.

$12.99 ($26.94 if bought separately)

Free

Free sample: a bit of everything

Seven pages from four of the packs: a certificate, a To-Don’t List, an Out of Order sign and a colouring page. Free for personal use.

Printables are made by REALLYBYTE and sold in the REALLYBYTE store. You can also support REALLYBYTE directly.